WELCOME TO HEYGOD4.TRIPOD.COM

THIS SITE IS THE WINNER OF 4 PITCH FORKS.

  

SEE DICK BELIEVE IN GOD.

SEE DICK BELIEVE THE ACCURACY OF THE BIBLE.

SEE DICK WORSHIP GOD.

DON’T BE A DICK!

 

-B.L.Z. BOB.  THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE

 

 

 

EVOLUTION

 

THEIST:            NO ONE HAS EVER PROVEN EVIL-LUTION TO ME.

ATHEIST:            #1:       IT IS NOT EVIL-LUTION.  IT IS EVOLUTION.

I THINK YOU MEAN EVIL-ANGELICAL

#2:            I WILL PROVE EVOLUTION TO YOU IF YOU LIKE.

            FIRST: WE HAVE THE PAST, THE PRESENT, AND THE FUTURE.  THE PAST HAS OCCURRED, THE PRESENT IS OCCURRING, AND THE FUTURE WILL OCCUR.  IT HAS NOT OCCURRED YET.

 

SECOND: WE HAVE THE CHICKEN, THE OSTRICH, AND THE PENGUIN.  THEY ARE BIRDS.  THEY HAVE WINGS.  WINGS ARE AERODYNAMIC INSTRUMENTS. THESE BIRDS CANNOT FLY.

 

WE HAVE ONE OF THREE POSSIBILITIES:

            A) AT SOME TIME IN THE PAST THESE BIRDS HAD THE ABILITY TO FLY, BUT OVER TIME, THEY LOST THAT ABILITY.  THAT IS CALLED EVOLUTION.  THAT IS REGRESSION

B) THESE BIRDS HAVE NEVER FLOWN, THEY CANNOT FLY, BUT AT SOME TIME IN THE FUTURE THEY WILL GAIN THE ABILITY TO FLY. THAT IS CALLED EVOLUTION.  THAT IS PROGRESSION

C) THESE BIRDS HAVE NEVER FLOWN, THEY CANNOT FLY, AND THEY WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FLY.  NATURE, GOD, OR THE EASTER BUNNY DECIDED TO PUT WINGS ON THEM THE WAY ONE MIGHT PUT WINGS ON A PIG AND CALL IT A FLYING PIG.

 

YOU GET TO CHOOSE WHICH ONE YOU WANT TO GO WITH.

 

THE PENGUIN, A BIRD, NOW USE ITS NON-AERODYNAMIC WINGS IN THE WATER AS A HYDRODYNAMIC INSTRUMENT.

THAT IS EVOLUTION.

 

 

 

 

LOU C. FUR:  WHY DID JESUS CHRIST CROSS THE ROAD?

LUCY FUR:     I DON’T KNOW. WHY DID JESUS CHRIST CROSS THE ROAD?

LOU C. FUR:  HE WANTED TO GET A CROSS.

 

 

 THE GOD TEST

 

ATHEIST:            ALL GODS ARE FALSE.  IF YOU WORSHIP A GOD, IT MUST BE A FALSE GOD.

 

THEIST:            I DON”T WORSHIP FALSE GODS.  WHAT IF GOD IS REAL?

 

ATHEIST:            THEN I HAVE DEVISED A TEST FOR YOUR GOD.  IF YOUR GOD PASSES THE TEST, I WILL WORSHIP HIM, HER, OR IT.  IN FACT I WILL PLACE SO MANY PRAISES ON IT THAT I WILL MAKE YOU WORSHIPPERS LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF DEVIL WORSHIPPING HEATHENS.  NO OFFENSE TO MYSELF.

 

THEIST:            GOD DOESN’T TAKE TESTS.

 

ATHEIST:            THAT’S ALL RIGHT I DON’T PRAISE FALSE GODS THAT DON’T TAKE TESTS.  SO, IF HE WANTS ME TO PRAISE HIM, HE BETTER START STUDYING.

 

THEIST:            WHAT IS THIS TEST YOU WANT GOD TO TAKE?

 

ATHEIST:            WELL IT IS A THREE-PART TEST.

FIRST:            I WANT GOD TO STICK HIS HEAD UP HIS ASS, PULL IT OUT THROUGH HIS MOUTH, THEN SAY HOWDY.

SECOND:      HE IS TO STICK HIS HEAD UP YOUR ASS, PULL IT OUT THROUGH YOUR MOUTH, THEN YOU BOTH SAY HOWDY.

FINALLY:      HE IS TO STICK YOUR HEAD UP YOUR ASS, PULL IT OUT THROUGH YOUR MOUTH, AND YOU SAY HOWDY.  NOW, SINCE, YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR HEAD UP YOUR ASS, ALL HE HAS TO DO IS FINISH THE JOB.

AND THEN, AND ONLY THEN WILL HE HAVE ANOTHER SHEEP IN HIS FLOCK.

 

 

 

 

 

RULE #1: THERE IS NO GOD.

RULE #2: WHAT IF THERE IS A GOD?

                  PLEASE SEE RULE #1.

 

 

 

TO KILL A GOD

 

THEIST:            I KNOW WHAT YOU ATHEISTS ARE TRYING TO DO.

 

ATHEIST:            WHAT?

 

THEIST:            YOU ARE TRYING TO DESTROY GOD.

 

ATHEIST:            WELL, I CAN’T SPEAK FOR ALL THE OTHER ATHEISTS, BUT I CAN PERSONALLY TELL YOU THAT I AM NOT TRYING TO DESTROY GOD. BUT IF YOU LIKE, I CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO KILL A GOD.  WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TEACH YOU HOW TO KILL A GOD?

 

THEIST:            YOU CAN’T KILL GOD.

 

ATHEIST:            SURE YOU CAN.  FIRST YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT GOD IS DEAD.

 

THEIST:            GOD IS NOT DEAD.  HE IS ALIVE.

 

ATHEIST:            YOU ARE CORRECT. GOD IS ALIVE AND LIVING BEINGS NEED SUSTENANCE.

 

THEIST:            GOD IS NOT ALIVE LIKE THE REST OF US.

 

ATHEIST:            BUT HE IS ALIVE. AND HE NEEDS SUSTENANCE JUST LIKE THE REST OF US. EVEN IF THE SUSTENANCE IS NOT LIKE OURS, HE NEEDS IT.  IF YOU STOP FEEDING HIM HIS SUSTENANCE, HE WILL DIE. HE WILL BECOME JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER GODS THAT MAN HAS WORSHIPPED.

 

THEIST:            THOSE WERE FALSE GODS.

 

ATHEIST:            ALL GODS ARE FALSE AND EVEN FALSE GODS NEED SUSTENANCE.  THEY FEED ON AMBROSIA. THIS GIVES THEM LIFE.  THIS GIVES THEM IMMORTALITY.  WITHOUT IT THEY WILL DIE AND BECOME LEGENDS AND MYTHS.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT AMBROSIA IS? AMBROSIA IS FAITH.  IT IS WHAT GIVES BIRTH TO THE GODS.  IT IS WHAT GIVES BIRTH TO THE EASTER BUNNY.  IT IS WHAT SUSTAINS THEM IN THEIR HOUR OF NEED.  AND WITHOUT IT, THEY WILL PERISH. WHEN WE FEED GODS OR THE EASTER BUNNY, OR SANTA CLAUS FAITH, THEY LIVE AS LONG AS THEY ARE FED.  WHEN WE STOP FEEDING THEM, THEY DIE AND ARE REBORN AS FAIRY TALES AND MYTHS.

 

THEIST:            I WILL NOT STOP HAVING FAITH IN THE LORD.

 

ATHEISTS:            THAT’S ALL RIGHT.  AS LONG AS YOU KNOW HE NEEDS YOU TO SURVIVE.  AND WITHOUT YOU HE WILL DIE.   WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, YOU KNOW THAT YOU OWN HIS ASS. 

 

 

“I WILL LOOK DOWN FROM HEAVEN AS THESE HEATHENS BURN IN HELL. I WILL BE THE ONE YELLING, “I TOLD YOU SO! I TOLD YOU SO!

 I TOLD YOU SO!”

 

FATHER HUGH BEN DOVER

-FROM US CHRISTIAN KIDS UNLIMITED